


Family Fallouts

by pergamond



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pergamond/pseuds/pergamond
Summary: [Scorpius' Christmas gift from the popular wizarding joke shop has unforeseen consequences.]
With a click, the glowing bulb of light was popped from the lantern's casing to soar across the room and into a small silver cylinder. The backroom in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes went dark. Ron Weasley grinned and pocketed the deluminator. More than twenty years had passed since he had been bequeathed the device, but there was no extinguishing the fun.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (This could be part of the '[North-West](http://archiveofourown.org/series/552205)' series, but can also stand alone.)

With a click, the glowing bulb of light was popped from the lantern's casing to soar across the room and into a small silver cylinder. The backroom in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes went dark. Ron Weasley grinned and pocketed the deluminator. More than twenty years had passed since he had been bequeathed the device, but there was no extinguishing the fun. 

Behind him, the front door of the shop opened with a cheerful jangle of bells, bringing with it a gust of icy outside air and the distant sound of carol singing from down Diagon Alley. Ron turned back to the joke shop's main floor, closing the door on the collection of defensive magical objects. 

"Hey, we're closing here! A man needs to get back to his family at Christmas time!" Ron stopped his protests when he caught sight of the bushy brown hair of the woman who had just entered the closing store. "Unless the man's family chooses to come to him!" Ducking around the shelves of Skiving Snackboxes and Extendable Ears, Ron swung Hermione Granger, Minister for Magic, into a movie-style kiss, tipping her back over his arm so that the hood of her robes brushed the floor. 

"Ron!" Hermione protested, half-laughing as her husband claimed her mouth. "I'm not alone!"

Ron looked up to see the unruly black hair and green eyes of the Ministry's Head of Magical Law Enforcement. "All right there, mate?" he asked, unabashed. "Excuse me while I greet my wife." He dropped Hermione lower for another kiss, as she made a feeble attempt to push him away.

"Still not just us," she laughed. 

Ron looked up for the third time to see the white blonde heads of two other visitors, who were standing just inside the door of his store. The younger of the pair was grinning openly at his flamboyant antics, while his father had turned to watch the snow collecting around the edges of the square window panes. Ron reluctantly straightened, pulling Hermione to her feet but keeping one arm wrapped around her waist. He eyed the two Malfoys with notably less enthusiasm. "And what can I do for you?"

Draco Malfoy drew his gaze away from the window to look at Ron, then he turned to Harry who was now studiously examining his shoes and down to his son, whose smile faded a notch. "The Christmas gifts you gave Scorpius... from this store..." he began, then paused. 

Ron shrugged. "Yeah? What of them? Everyone's allowed a bit of holiday cheer," he winked at Scorpius who grinned back and then glanced slightly hesitantly at his father. 

Draco turned once again to Harry, who had still not looked up from his footwear. He then looked at Hermione, who gave Ron's waist an obliging squeeze. "Scorpius needs an antidote to one of the potions you gave him," she told her husband. 

"The... 'Kissing Concoction'," Draco supplied, speaking the words with slight distaste. 

Rob screwed up his face in disbelief. "It'll wear off in a day," he told Draco. "What's the big deal? Wait it out!" He looked between him to Scorpius. "Neither of you look real affected."

Draco cleared his throat. He looked towards Hermione again but she was now leaning on Ron's shoulder, her face turned towards his robe. He addressed Ron once more, "It was not either of us who took the draft," he told him. "The person who did..." he paused. From Ron's shoulder, Hermione made a noise that could have been a sneeze. "... we can't wait for a day."

Ron's eyebrows now raised in undisguised curiosity. He waited for Draco to continue but when no more information was forthcoming, he looked at Scorpius instead. "Who'd you give it to, Scorp?" he asked the teenager. "A school friend?" He frowned, "... a muggle?"

Scorpius looked indignant. "No! I'd never give it to a muggle! I tried it out at..." he stopped, his cheeks going slightly red and he looked once again at his father. 

"... a family dinner," Draco finished, cooly.

Light slowly dawned on Ron's expression and his face split into an ear-to-ear grin. "Not..." he hiccuped. "Not... Lucius?"

Harry choked and tried to turn the sound into a cough, turning away from the group and wiping his face with the sleeve of his robe. When he lowered his arm, Ron could see his best friend's face had turned the same hue as his magenta robes as he fought to keep his mouth straight. Draco looked over at him and Harry met his eyes briefly, before moving off to study a display of nose biting teacups. 

Draco sighed, "My father..." he looked once again towards Hermione but she was now trembling with badly suppressed shakes in Ron's arms. "... is unable to look at any object without declaring his deep abiding devotion and fondling it for at least three minutes."

Scorpius snorted. Draco rested a restraining hand on his son's shoulder. 

Ron looked mildly impressed. "It normally just works for one thing, and that usually a person," he told the Malfoys. "How much did you give him?" he asked Scorpius. "The box held enough for five uses."

"Five," repeated Draco. "The box you showed me was empty."

Ron started to laugh again and Scorpius looked at his father, at the floor and then Ron. "For most of your love potions, it says the effect is weaker if the starting attraction is low," he pointed out. "We didn't think..."

Draco lifted his eyes to the ceiling in the implication that this much was evident. 

"... We didn't think grandfather would be very susceptible!" Scorpius said more defensively. He shrugged. "But turns out he really likes... things."

“We?” Ron queried with a slight frown. “Was this you and Al—?” He looked at Harry who managed to shake his head, pointing back at Ron as water collected in the corner of his eyes.

Ron stared at him a moment and then, “Rose? Rose suggested this?” He looked back at Scorpius who gave an apologetic half-shrug. “You know, we did not get that girl nearly enough Christmas presents!” Ron told Hermione, squeezing her shoulders.

Draco's gaze moved between Scorpius' defensive glare, Ron's huge smile and Hermione's shaking form. Harry had ducked out of sight entirely. "As you might imagine..." he said slowly. "This has safety implications at Malfoy Manor, but he can hardly leave the building... Do you have to look quite so cheerful?" he demanded of Ron. 

"Hey buddy, you fill that Manor of yours with dark cursed crap, then you take the consequences," Ron told him with unrepentant glee. 

Draco drew himself up, "If you are irresponsible enough to sell..."

Hermione lifted a hand that still wobbled slightly as she pulled herself off Ron's shoulder and dabbed her cheek with the corner of her robe. "Peace, Draco," she told him. "Ron didn't know Scorpius would try the potion outside school. I'm sure if he had..." she hesitated, not sure the huge grin on her husband's face would support a statement about different actions had the consequences of his gift been clearer. 

"Ron," she said instead. "You _do_ have an antidote?"

Ron looked down at her and tried to slightly moderate his expression under her partial glare. "Uh, yeah. OK," he released his wife and headed into the back of the shop. 

Hermione flicked her robes straight and smiled at Draco as Harry reappeared by her side. "See, we said we'd help."

Draco looked at Harry, who was still beet red and unable to meet anyone's gaze. Hermione kicked him gently with her shoe. Harry nodded his agreement while looking out the window. 

Ron returned with a small bottle which he tossed at Draco who caught it deftly. "Three drops in his tea," he instructed, still grinning broadly. 

Draco held the vile up to the light, tilting it as he examining the golden liquid within suspiciously. "And you are sure this will cancel the entire effect of the potion?"

"Yup!" Ron's expression offered no faith in the seriousness of his statement. 

Draco glared at him, "If it does anything else..." His fingers twitched as if desperate to reach for his wand. 

Hermione rested a hand on Ron's arm. "It doesn't," she told Draco, meeting his eyes firmly with her own. "I am sure of it and I give you my word as Minister of Magic." She looked up at Ron and raised her eyebrows.

Ron rolled his eyes, "It'll do it!" he told Draco in exasperation. 

Draco nodded curtly and pocketed the bottle, turning towards the door. "Come, Scorpius."

Scorpius looked back at Ron and mouthed a 'thank you' as he followed his father from the shop. Ron winked at him and made a motion to suggest the teenager take some photographs before giving his grandfather the contents of the bottle. Hermione slapped him lightly on the arm as the Malfoys left in a final merry jingle of bells. 

Ron looked from Hermione to the still silent Harry and flung his arms over both their shoulders. "Look, you guys did a great job at being professional and all... but that was fucking hilarious."

Harry collapsed on his shoulder, tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks.


End file.
